I had just beaten the Elite Four and the Champion on White. And soon after, I found myself to be very, very bored. Figures. I decided to scroll through my Pokédex for no reason, and that's when I came upon it--Gothitelle. My god, THAT thing. I swear, I made the "I met Excalibur" face from Soul Eater when I saw it. Its cry is the freakiest thing in the game. But, I had nothing to do, and I happened to have a Gochimu that I received from my friend on deviantART, Jade. So I figured, why not evolve him and get my own Gothitelle?
The Gochimu was named Goff as an inside joke when Jade and I were talking about Gothitelle and I misspelled "god" as "gof". Since it sounds like "goth", I joked about getting a male Gothitelle named Gof. So today was the day that this would finally be true! Well, she named him Goff, but anyway. I pulled out the Arceus she gave me since I'm way too lazy to just do this myself--without knowing prior, Gochimu has the worst stats ever and this would take an eternity normally. I headed out to Route 12, my favorite training spot, and began to get to work.
I gave Goff an Exp. Share, and he leveled up quite rapidly thanks to being traded. He got about 3000 EXP a pop per each Pokémon I annihilated with Arceus' Judgment and Hyper Beam. Then...that's pretty much where it stopped being such a cake walk. When he got to about Lv39 and had evolved into a Gochimiru, Arceus began to disobey, which was stupid because I obviously had all the right badges.
"How dare you make me attack my children!" a voice rang out.
And I'm just thinking...oh, shit. The Arceus is talking to me.
"All these poor Pokémon have had to suffer Judgment...and for what? For your abomination...for your 'pretend god'...yes...I know what the name 'Gof' means!"
"It's a typo."
"SILENCE! My children have died, and you show no respect! For this, you shall pay, Jade!"
What the...Jade? Did he really...
"Dude, my real name isn't Jade."
"...GODDAMMIT SHIT! I mean--ME DAMMIT SHIT!! How was I supposed to know that?!"
"You got traded, smart one."
"...oh. Right. Well, no matter! Now you shall pay, Nicolas!"
"I'm not Nicolas!"
"...DAMMIT! Then what's your real name?!"
"Hell if I'm gonna tell you! Just get on with it!"
"OK, fine! Now you shall pay, Justin Bieber!"
"Oh, you did NOT just--"
I got into a battle with the Lv100 Arceus. I saw the dead bodies of the several Pokémon I made him fight.
"Do you see the destruction you have caused, Justin?! They have died for your selfishness!"
"You mean they died for my sins?"
"Well, not exactly your si--will you just focus! Send out your Pokémon so I can exact my revenge!"
My trainer sent out Goff, just as expected. And then, I knew I was gonna die. Goff was WAY too weak to take on a freaking Lv100 Arceus. Fittingly enough, the theme music for Arceus was playing in the background. As if to make up for the fact that the thing was ADHD as all hell.
"Now she will die for causing me to kill my children!"
"Goff's a dude."
Arceus' sprite looked over at Goff's health bar, and saw that Goff was indeed male.
"...but...he totally looks like a girl! Hahahaha!!!!"
Goff's sprite facepalmed. "It's not MY fault! Blame freaking Game Freak!" he cried. But the Arceus didn't hear him. He just kept laughing...and laughing...and laughing...it wasn't even demonic laughter. It was unfitting laughter that, against all the dead bodies on screen, just makes you wonder what the hell just happened. It's like he hit his retard button or something. Finally the Arceus fell into the ground.
"ARCEUS died of laughter!" it said in English.
Apparently, it counted as an official defeat, so Goff got like, 50000 EXP for it. He got to Lv44 and evolved. I don't even KNOW what to think of what just happened...can I consider it a Creepypasta? I laughed at it more than it scared me...but anyway. I checked out my brand new inside joke and Gothitelle. But Jesus Christ, that cry...it still freaking scares me. Even more so than what just happened. I swear to God, all my other Pokémon as well as myself made the "I met Excalibur" face when he evolved. I can just imagine everyone with that face while Goff is the only one smiling and being happy...ugh.
Dear Arceus, remind me why I did this again...oh wait. He can't. He died laughing.